What Would Have Helped Me As a Queer Person at School

In a recent school talk I gave to a class of Year 9s, I was telling my story of growing up queer and in the Q&A section one of them asked a very interesting question: If I were their age now, do I think I would have come out?

I thought about it for a minute and then replied, “No, I don’t think I would”. In the twelve years since I was in their position, things have changed, but the identity that caused the most confusion to me as a teenager was my asexuality. I asked the class in front of me to raise their hands if they had heard of the label asexual before my story. None of them did.

I have no memory of being taught about LGBTQIA+ identities at school. We all knew the words “gay” and “lesbian”, but only as a negative. To be able to work with children now as a proud and out asexual lesbian gives me so much joy as I know it would have helped me enormously to have been introduced to queerness so early on.

My experience with the Year 9 class, and working with younger children in my day job, has allowed me to reflect on some of the things my school could have done to help me as a queer person, which I want to share here…

As a big reader, it would have been wonderful to have discovered LGBTQIA+ books in the school library. A decade ago, there really wasn’t any asexual representation to be found in books, but having a better understanding of the queer community - by having access to LGBT+ fiction and non-fiction - would have helped me a lot. And now there is so much representation to put on school library shelves and read in class! For example, I always like to include an inclusive book in my Storytimes at the library! One of my favourites is Pop’n’Olly’s Goldilocks and the Five Bear Families, in which Goldilocks lives on her own and is happy that way - it is the perfect introduction to kids that not everyone wants a romantic relationship and that’s okay. Other favourites include The Pirate Mums by Jodie Lancet-Grant and Lydia Corry, and The Rainbow Flamingo by Catherine Emmett and Claire Powell, which are both about how differences are wonderful and should be celebrated.

Seeing my school celebrate queer identities during LGBT+ History Month and Pride would have helped to combat my growing internal homophobia. We know that prejudices start young. The school environment I grew up in was telling me that being LGBTQIA+ was wrong and wasn’t welcome there. If instead my school had made a point of celebrating LGBT+ people and identities, I would have known it was okay to be myself when I did then start to question my identity.

Including positive representation in everyday lessons across school subjects would have normalised LGBT+ identities and allowed me to connect with the history of this community when I started questioning. LGBT+ History Month in February is a great way to start introducing LGBT+ figures into the classroom. But talking about queer people - their contributions and their experiences - across all school subjects, all year round, is particularly important to emphasise that LGBT+ people have always been here and that talking about these identities isn’t taboo. Pop’n’Olly has created many fabulous resources that could be used in primary schools for this, including Rainbow Heroes posters and Pride in STEM activities!

Sometimes it’s less about knowing all the terms and what they mean, but simply that it is okay to be LGBTQIA+. And for those who do know who they are or are questioning, educational settings - schools and libraries - should be safe spaces for them to explore and express their identities.

By doing these three things in my work…

• Providing access to, and regularly reading, LGBTQIA+ books

• Celebrating LGBT+ History Month, Pride, and other LGBTQIA+ days with displays and events

• Being openly queer myself as well as talking about LGBTQIA+ role models and historical figures during LGBT+ History Month, and throughout the year

…I hope to do my part in helping young LGBTQIA+ people feel confident to be themselves, and create the inclusive and welcoming spaces I wish I’d had as a kid.