Don’t Be Afraid to Be Yourself in the Classroom

By Guest Blogger, Deputy Headteacher John Newton

When I qualified as a teacher back in 2004, I’d been comfortably ‘out’ as a gay man to my family and friends for years. I was in a long-term, committed relationship and being gay felt like a non-issue. In fact, it was an aspect of my life I felt very proud of. Until, that is, someone I loved, admired and trusted asked a simple question: “Are you going to tell people at school you’re gay?”

It hadn’t even crossed my mind. But back then, in the very early naughties, times were different. Visibility was limited, and most people’s image of a gay person came from over-the-top TV caricatures. I was an overachiever, professional to a fault and I thought other people’s perception of my gayness could jeopardise my professional integrity. The advice I got was well-meaning: “Don’t mention it to the children. If they ask, tell them it’s private”. And so I didn’t mention it… to anyone.

That conversation changed the first four years of my teaching life. I went into my first school firmly back in the closet, guarding my 'secret' with ninja-like precision. I fabricated weekends that sounded suitably ‘straight’. I edited pronouns out of every story. I’d even shove my partner into the next aisle at the supermarket if we bumped into someone from work. I loved teaching - the children, the energy, the laughter - but only about sixty percent of me ever showed up. The rest stayed hidden in that closet, full of fear.

I told myself I’d ‘come out’ once my colleagues knew me better. I suppose my theory, back then, was that once I’d established myself and built those relationships, colleagues would ‘accept’ my sexuality: like me, despite it. But the longer the lie went on, the harder it became to tell the truth. Four years passed before I finally did, fuelled, I’ll admit, by a few glasses of wine and the prospect of my upcoming wedding. To my relief, my colleagues were kind and supportive. Some were surprised, others laughed and said they’d guessed long ago. When they came to celebrate with us at our wedding that summer, I finally felt like I could be 100% me and I knew, come September, my work life would feel so very different. 

By the time I became a deputy head in 2010, I promised myself I’d be ‘out’ from the start. Mentioning my husband felt as natural as anyone else talking about their partner, and the difference was life-changing. I was happier, more confident, and without question, a better teacher and leader.

But still, I hesitated to be fully open with parents and children. That old voice coming back telling me it might confuse them or that it wasn't appropriate. When I eventually took up my headship, I pushed past those fears and made the decision to, finally, be ‘out’ to everyone, parents and children included, and it was the best decision I ever made. The children didn’t bat an eyelid. They simply saw me as their headteacher who happened to be married to a man. That was it. 

To those who might say, “I don’t tell everyone I’m straight, so why should you tell everyone you’re gay?” . I’d challenge you to count how often you mention your family or wear your wedding ring without thinking twice. Imagine censoring that every day. It’s exhausting. Authenticity isn’t politics, it’s humanity. And it shouldn’t be compromised. 

Somewhere, in every school, is a child quietly wondering if they’ll ever be accepted for who they are. They deserve to see adults who are brave enough to be themselves, because in doing so, they see their future reflected. 

So, to my fellow educators: laugh, cry, be kind, be present. Bring your full self to your classroom, unapologetically. Be professional, yes, but be human. It’s the greatest lesson you’ll ever teach. 

---

John Newton is a Primary School Deputy Hedteacher, School Adviser and Podcaster. In his twenty-plus years in the teaching profession, he’s taken on many diverse roles within the primary sector, including headteacher and local authority adviser. John co-hosts a light-hearted, bi-weekly Podcast, Pink Custard: The Teachers’ Podcast, which you can listen to here:

https://open.spotify.com/show/1drqstBD5U0hTmt5UTpwzH?si=997cfa7f7a2d4323

(Spotify)

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/pink-custard-the-teachers-podcast/id1801281553 (Apple Podcasts)